Tribute to a baby

Or is he really a baby?

What is about a baby turning one that grips a mother's heart so tightly? Will it be this way on his 16th birhtday or when he's 30? For the past week I have felt that I am walking again through those moments of his birth and the preceding events. Maybe it's because many events of my last days of pregnancy are repeating this year - the return to our Bible study class and the Family outreach I led last week. Every time I've seen a friend or chatted with a stranger I have beamed out my pride that my baby is having his 1st birthday.

It's 10:14 pm. At this moment last year I had no idea that 12 hours from now I would be laying in a hospital bed, sweaty and cold and tired but elated and amazed at my baby (amazed at how quickly that purple boy started to look human). Amazed because he was 4 days early unlike his brother who 'd still be snuggled in my womb at a whomping 30+ lbs if he'd had it his way. I wonder if I'll wake at 12:42 am and think about how long it took me to figure out that was a labor pain ... or how long it took me to convince my husband that I'm not faking it.

This week a boy in my Sunday School class had his tonsils removed at the Children's Hospital in DC where Seth was for so long. I talked with his mom about the never-ending construction in the parking garage and which floor the surgery department is on. I think that connection has deepened my amazement that Seth is turning one. A year ago, he seemed infinitely vulnerable as he was connected to LED light and suction tubes and IVs. Then I worried about the fact that I couldn't feed him ... and it's no different now, because I can't seem to put enough food on his highchair tray to satisfy him. He eats it so quickly that I don't even have time to cut up more. He is less vulnerable ... he's got teeth now to bite Levi back with as well as a shrill cry when danger (again, Levi) is staring him down. But then I think about the worries of adulthood ... and I pray God doesn't call him to be a minister.

Anyways, I'll stop before this becomes a full-fledged birthing tale that should be saved for an office baby shower.

But here are some pictures of his handsome face. Can you believe how he's changed?

My baby's hives

So sad news. Seth seems to be allergic to peanuts (or almonds or pecans). He had quite a reaction to a granola bar that had all these things in it. Poor thing! Maria and I were discussing how his digestive system is about as intolerant as hers. At least, he doesn't know what he's missing. So at this point, it seems to be that eggs, dairy, and nuts are on the "off" list.

Yeah, so life is crazy at a lot of moments. My spirit is heavy too much. People tell us we need to laugh more. I agree, laughing is beautiful. I think that God gave us two silly little boys for a reason. I like them so much, even though Seth tries to eat the candles all day long and Levi likes to catapult off Seth's head. But with kids come some extra worries. With the church's woes, Mark and I are exploring options to bring in some more cash. One idea is for me to run an in-home daycare, except Lexa told me last night that I'd probably have to have a minivan. My inwards are revolting. Maybe I should sell drugs ... or Mary Kay. Oh, seriously! Anyways. Something will work out.

But I am having the hardest time lately. Life is heavy for several members of my family. I have to write a paper on suffering and faith. What a challenge when I can't seem to seperate myself from the pain around me and in me. Actually, last week's emphasis in my Scripture and reflective reading was to ask God into where we feel the greatest hurt, doubt, hope, and faith. Timely.