Occasional thoughts of another crazed human

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Why I sometimes hate being a Christian

A few weeks ago, I wrote out multiple blogs and promised that I could not post a string of my deepest, most challenging questions without positive interludes (which fortunately do exist each day). But this is one from the archives. Actually yesterday at my ladies' Bible study I sat down with my friend and spilled these thoughts (and others) with her. Sally, wife of one of our District leaders, pointed out that, as pastors, 'maintaining church' is what is expected of us (for better or worse -which reminds me of marriage terminology that is also descriptive of a pastor's relationship with their church). Anyways ....

So Saturday, the day before Easter, I was busily preparing cute little mini-muffins for a pre-service brunch on Sunday morning. Mark was gone to softball practice. Seth sat screaming in his high chair. Levi was systematically removing all plasticware and linens from my kitchen counters, the latter he neatly spread out in a stack for a cozy bed in front of the kitchen sink. It was hot. My muffins weren't cooking right. I had about 12 other little tasks to finish before Christ could really be resurrected on Sunday morning.

I looked out the window to see a young man across the street from the church, collecting the litter along the road. I knew who he was, well, not by name but by reputation of his group. They had been collecting trash, volunteering to help elderly, and being a presence in our neighborhood. They are parents and students from Muslim school about a mile away.

Then it struck me. ... Why was I wasting my time making muffins for Christians so that they could spend the calories they ate, sitting in the pew, fuming about how the order of worship had changed. Why was I not out there cleaning up trash?

Earlier Thom, a new Christian, in our church had dropped by unexpectedly. He was upset and wanted Mark to help him grasp an article he'd read in the Washington Post. The long article had started out about tithing in our county but ended up a plug for the "prosperity gospel" message. He wanted to know why he was reading this when this is not the message that he has heard from our pulpit. Thom has a passion for the homeless in our area and for the people he works with at his Hospice job. "Do churches really lead people to believe this?" was his question. My question was "isn't this some sort of abuse, similar to the many other abuses of the church over the years, including indulgences and other restrictive teachings?"

These are two reasons, which are deeply connected for me, about why I hate being a Christian at times. When did Christianity and church become about merely 'maintaining church'? (I feel like that is all we do). My disappointment in myself and my faith does nothing but make me incredibly weary and lethargic myself. Then I just sit in my pew and fume about things too.

Well, that's the old blog. I am anxious to disclose (but I better wait a bit yet) some major, major changes that our church is about to experience. As a parishioner told Mark last night, he is being given an opportunity that every pastor probably dreams of. But there will be some drastic changes and sacrifices. I'll share more later. Right now, we are just praying.

1 Comments:

  • At 7:01 PM, Blogger *sara* said…

    we're praying for your big changes (are they the ones we talked about at rachels?) good luck and God bless.
    and i hate being a christian sometimes too. :)

     

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